The Post I kept Putting Off

For once, I have content – something I could provide daily updates for that you might be interested in reading about.

So have I? No… I have not written about it at all.

I have spent a total of 18 days split over 2 hospitals, with a 5-day intermission at home between the stays.

I know what you’re thinking. No, this is not self-inflicted, and if you’ve been reading the other posts, this is the healthiest I’ve ever been, yet I feel like I’m dying slowly, but other than that doing ok.

The basic rundown is I had symptoms of gallstones back in May, one flare-up and was grand.

Then, I guess about a month ago now the symptoms flared up. Pain, sickness, etc.

Went to Causeway hospital, the staff were amazing…. The consultant was a condescending cunt who assumed I was an alcoholic based on elevated LFTs (blood tests, a common symptom of gallstones).

Yet his decision was not gallstones or infection or anything but “alcoholic hepatitis”

I have a car again, so I have drunk a maximum of 4 or 5 times this entire year and not large amounts.

The ultrasound found gallstones, and that my gallbladder was inflamed, but my liver “looked fine, on the ultrasound.”

He refused to accept he was wrong and “treated me” by not treating me, and had a wait-and-see approach. So I discharged myself and went home.

I then got worse (as was expected and would have happened with his “treatment plan” anyway, which was my point)

I checked into Antrim 5 days later, and they found there are “6 or 7 massive gallstones in your gallbladder, but your gallbladder is no longer inflamed, but your liver is.”

Long story short, my liver has been failing ever since, and they don’t know why, and are refusing to take out the gallbladder because they need to know why my liver is failing.

I have had an ultrasound, an MRI, and an Endoscopic ultrasound (the tube down the throat to the tip of the intestine, which was an experience), yet all clear. The next thing I need is a liver biopsy next Monday (today is Monday.)

To hopefully see what is killing my liver so they can “brainstorm the why it’s killing it.”

That uncomfortable place where you’re very unwell, but not quite unwell enough to get up the waiting lists… well, yet anyway I guess.

I like Antrim Hospital, the staff are nice and you can have a laugh with them. The doctors are switched on honest, and interested, in figuring it out, the nurses are super engaging and know your care just as well as you do, they get not just your notes but your vibe as well, which is nice to feel genuinely heard even when they don’t have all the answers, it’s ok, I don’t know what it is either.

Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been all smiles and rainbows, but I will say, other than the fact that physically I feel awful.

Mentally, I’m holding it together, I’m lonely, wishing I had a partner who would love me and be sitting with me, and that kills me on the inside.

Although on the outside, I’m trying to find a reason to laugh multiple times a day, I joke with the doctors and nurses and patients. I’ve met many and they have all been amazing, but then we move wards or they get out and it’s time to meet a whole new set of people.

I’m allowed to leave the ward (not the grounds), but it’s ok, I sit in my car, tunes up and smoke like I’d be doing if I wasn’t here. I’m vibing, trying to brighten everyone’s day as well as my own.

So there it is, the update I have been putting off posting.

Does anyone even read my posts anymore? Probably not.

If you do, though, feel free to reach out or post a comment, which would brighten my day.